The return of school. The house cleared out. I am exhausted. My feet are breaded with cheerio dust, but it is over. I now have 10 months alone. Well, almost alone – there is my toddler – the last hurrah. My toddler is doing a happy dance. It dawns on me that she has more to celebrate than even me.
Here are 20 reasons why my toddler is celebrating:
1. I will now actually realize that I have three children instead of two plus.
2. I might notice her flailing on the floor instead of walking over her.
3. She will no longer get beat up by her brother and sister. Probably a big plus in her book.
4. When she insists I make her sandwich into geometric shapes with the crust cut off – I might actually have time to humor her.
5. She’ll get to feel the tv remote for the first time.
6. The pecking order has improved. She is king of the house and ruler of the dog, cat and hamster.
7. She’ll no longer be tied up and held prisoner in her stroller – in my desperate attempt to be in control of the masses.
8. I will finally notice that I have a “bery bery mart irl” – but maybe I should have her speech evaluated.
9. She can slowly touch and lick everything in her brother and sister’s room and they will never even know she was there!
10. I will have more patience to answer every “why” question she wants to throw at me…maybe, okay – no, not really.
11. I might actually call her something other than “the little one” and “the baby.”
12. She can now pick her butt, pick her nose and feed the dog without anyone telling on her!
13. Now when she plays a game of spontaneous hide and go seek – I’ll actually realize she’s missing and will go look for her before she falls asleep in her hiding spot.
14. Now when she asks “You wanna poop with me?” – I might have time to contemplate the offer.
15. I might dust off her empty baby book and start filling out some of the pages.
16. She might actually be able to build something without getting clobbered or trampled on.
17. She can grab the goldfish and have a Little Einsteins marathon and no one can stop her. God help me.
18. I am always telling her, “I don’t have time for this!” – well, now I have time!
19. If I take her out to eat – I will actually have to bite the bullet and buy a kid’s meal just for her.
20. I will be out of excuses and will have to use all those toilet rolls I have been saving for a mysterious Pinterest craft.
Please don’t email me or write hate comments – I am mostly kidding. I know I have a third daughter. Just don’t ask me what her name is – you might get a roll call for the entire house before I land on her.
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