Many anxious kids jump to extreme conclusions. They often take everything personally. A redirection is a yell. A suggestions is a criticism. A friend being busy, is a declaration that their friendship is over.
Many of our kids have a hard time being social with other kids. Some have social anxiety that makes them fear rejection and criticism. Others often feel too overwhelmed and depleted to be social. Unfortunately with the global shutdown, many kids are finding themselves even more isolated from their peers. School closures are limiting social connections and for those with social issues – the isolation is even more severe.
Helping Anxious Kids Who Feel Like Everybody is Staring at Them When you have anxiety, especially social anxiety, you can think the world is a stage. The minute you leave your house, you can feel like all eyes are on you. This can be an unsettling feeling to say the least. Now add hormones and normal childhood insecurities, and those feelings can feel like a […]
Helping Kids Who Think Everybody Hates Me! Do you find that no matter where you go or what your child is doing, they always say, “everybody hates me!” Perhaps it baffles you because you see your child talking to other kids. You see them laughing. You see people waving at them. They have friends to play with at recess. They are invited to birthday […]
Helping a Socially Anxious or Shy Kid Make New Friends I sat there quietly. Maybe it looked like I was sad, angry or annoyed. Regardless of how I looked, it definitely wasn’t friendly. But inside, my mind was shouting, “Talk to me! Smile at me! Do you want to be friends?” But other kids rarely approached me. I thought I was a shy kid, but […]
Helping Kids Who Worry About What Other People Think Are they staring at me? Are they texting back and forth…about me. Did I just see that kid whisper while looking at me? Does my hair look weird. Is she staring at my hair? Those girls walked by again. Are they circling around to stare at me one more time? Kids who worry about what other […]
Social anxiety doesn’t announce itself. It creeps into your world and your life one paranoid, self-conscious thought at a time. What if they don’t like me? What if they are talking about me? Why don’t they include me. Kids with social anxiety can be consumed with these thoughts a hundred times a day. These thoughts not only stop any socialization in it’s tracks – but it can make a child want to hide in their home, avoiding judgement, criticism and rejection.
Kids birthday parties. Play dates. Mommy groups. If those words create a small knot in your stomach you are not alone. Social anxiety is a major struggle, but when you add parenthood to the mix you can suddenly find yourself walking in a social minefield. Being a mom with social anxiety catapults you into a sea of social interaction that is hard to avoid. The guilt of not being social is now not only about you, but about your kids. Ouch. That makes it even harder to deal with it.
Maybe they are talking about me. Maybe they don’t like me. Maybe they are just being nice to me because they pity me. Maybe I don’t want to go to that party. Maybe I don’t want to talk in class. Maybe I’ll just stay home. Again. Social anxiety is never fun, but social anxiety in teens can not only be overwhelming, but can be completely depressing.
So as a parent watching this train wreck – how are you supposed to help? For starters, telling them to just go out there and make some more friends isn’t going to help. Here is what can…
Another school year is upon us. You hold your breath. Who will your socially anxious child cling to this year? No matter how much you encourage your child to make lots of friends, inevitably your child is like Velcro to one kid the entire year. You know your child is socially anxious, but how are you supposed to help? What is the problem with making more than one friend? After all, you don’t remember struggling like this. Are there more things you can be doing?
Your daughter is a leg hugger, a wallflower, a blank staring mute when others are around. You watch as her personality literally melts away from her when she’s in public. Where did your crazy, free spirited child go? And who is this wilting flower that took her place? Your son has no filter. You cringe with anticipation at what he’ll say next. Personal space isn’t something he values – not his, not yours. You can see him rubbing people the wrong way, as he stands there clueless as to why they aren’t laughing back. There is no learning curve. You watch him destroy friendship after friendship. When a child has no social skills it can be painful to watch. Sometimes cringe worthy. Not everyone is born with social skills. It is a skill just like anything else and some kids need some social “tutoring.”
Your child gets embarrassed when you breathe wrong. They refuse to talk to strangers and they fixate on what other people think of them. Social anxiety can debilitate kids and confuse parents. This was me as a child. Let me give you a window into the mind of a socially anxious child. At times, it isn’t pretty.
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