Your child is standing there, white-knuckled and pale as a ghost. “I can’t do it,” they whisper. “I’m scared.” You are about to offer words of encouragement when your partner chimes in. “Stop playing games and just do it!” You feel your stomach drop. You give your partner the death glare, but it has little effect as the tirade continues. “I’m tired of this! Just do it or you are grounded.” You stare at your child, wide-eyed and paralyzed with fear. You have two problems. A child with debilitating anxiety and a partner who doesn’t believe in anxiety disorders. What are you supposed to do with that?!
There were three words that would stop me dead in my tracks as a kid – We. Are. Moving. I didn’t handle change well and unfortunately my parents didn’t handle stability well. It was a bad combination for an anxious kid like me. I also felt silently overwhelmed when our family dog died, when I changed schools, when my parents got divorced and all the life that happened in between. So, how should parents help anxious kids deal with such big life changes? I can tell you what I tell parents in my therapy practice and privately what I wish my own parents would have done as well.
I wake up and reach for my phone. Breaking news headlines scream for my attention. Not again, I think. How many tragedies do we need to witness? How many mass shootings and bombings do my children need to live through? It doesn’t help that I have three anxious kids. Anxiety feeds off these headlines. Thrives off these dark moments of time. It has the power to ruin any progress a child has made crushing their anxiety .So how do we handle the situation? Do we tell our anxious kids what has happened? How do we minimize the impact it has on their already fragile view of life’s dangers?
We can’t ignore these life events, but we can frame it in a way that minimizes the long-term impact. Here’s how…
Your child is refusing to get out of the car. “What’s wrong!” You ask, growing more impatient. “I don’t want to go.” Your child pouts. “But why?” You beg, glancing at the time and wondering what excuse you’ll tell your boss this time. “I just don’t want to!” She screams at you. You’ve done this dance many times before. You wonder, how are you supposed to help a child with anxiety when they won’t even talk about it?
The One Thing Every Kid with Anxiety Should Be Doing Often when I ask a kid with anxiety what helps reduce stress and anxiety, the answer I most often get is “I try to get my mind off of it.” This lets me know that I have my work cut out for me. When people talk about helping a kid with anxiety, they will talk about skill […]
Parenting anxious kids is like walking through a mine field. Explosions happen. You have to side step and walk around obstacles. You never know when the next crisis will be. But, it doesn’t have to be that way. Anxious kids are also some of the most caring, empathetic children I know. I have to admit, they are my favorite little people. The anxious kids I […]
What could go wrong with holiday songs, gifts and yummy treats? A lot if you have anxious kids. Anxious kids during the holidays have a tendency to implode. Any deviation from a predictable routine can make anxious children feel on edge. Add a bunch of over-stimulating and socially demanding activities and you might have a child on overload. So should you shrink wrap your anxious child and put her away until after the holidays? No way! Holidays are the best time of the year. With a few minor adjustments and tips – you can make this time of year go much more smoothly for you and your child!
I decided I wanted to be a child therapist long before I ever had children. I finished graduate school before I even began motherhood. I knew all the signs and symptoms of every childhood mental health disorder before my first child entered the world. You would think I was well prepared. You would think if anyone could handle anxious kids – it would be me. Apparently […]
Bad things happen. What are we to do as parents? I sometimes wish I could take my children and live in a bubble – immune to the violence, hatred and tragedies our world experiences. But, bad things happen. Although living in a bubble is tempting, we would also miss out on the wonderful sounds, smells and laughter this world can bring. And so is […]
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