Before I had children I was given many warnings about motherhood.


I was warned about the jello stomach I would get after delivery. I was warned about the brain fog that would make me feel like a dementia patient. I was warned about the sleep deprivation that would make college all nighters look like a walk in the park. But no one ever warned me about the annoying voice of guilt that follows you through parenthood.

This is so funny! Mommy guilt is so unfair!

It starts off in the hospital with one simple question “Are you breastfeeding or bottle feeding?” and it gains momentum from there.


It seems as though even the most mundane activities can bring on this avalanche of mommy guilt:


When you are playing with your kid…


I should be cleaning. Let’s play chase! Eww – are her feet black? Oh my god, her feet are black. The tile is so gross that my poor daughter has black feet. What kind of mom am I to let my child walk on such dirty tile. Oh how cute, she is hiding under the table. Are those cheerios crumbs from two mornings ago in that crack. Is that a piece of dried up steak. When was the last time we had steak?


When you are cleaning…


I should be playing with my kid. My child has been sitting on the floor watching reruns of Barney on Netflix for an hour while I clean. Even Netflix is disgusted at my absentee parenting as it flashes a nasty message on the screen, “Are you still watching Barney?” click continue watching if you are a horrible mother.

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When you go to the dentist…


The dentist asks, “Are you brushing their teeth at least twice a day.” Yes! I got this one. Although it is quite the battle, “Yes” I proudly announce. I am. I am brushing their teeth twice a day…usually. “Are you flossing too?” Fine you win.


When you pack their lunch…


With bento lunches and heart shaped sandwich cutters – it’s hard to keep up. I throw prepackaged snacks, an overpriced squirt of applesauce in a drinkable pouch and a pre-made frozen peanut butter and jelly sandwich into a lunch box and call it a day.


When you are too tired to give them a bath…


I stare at my sticky children and my legs won’t move. I am so tired. I make up silly rules to make myself feel better. We will have bath day every other day – this is the other day. We had swim class today – the chlorine probably killed most of the germs.


When you are out to eat and you hand your toddler an iPad…


I am exhausted from a week of work, laundry and runny noses. All I want to do is have one peaceful meal. I look over at my bouncing toddler and I know we are not simpatico. I dig into my momma purse and hand him an iPad. I had promised myself it was for emergencies. I scan the room for those judging eyes. Yes, I know people – I am going to mommy hell.


Perhaps nobody warned me about this mommy guilt because this too shall pass. We accept that our imperfections are pretty perfect. And eventually the guilt goes away along with the sleepless nights, the brain fog and the jello stomach – okay maybe not the jello stomach.

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