Do You Beat Yourself Up About Being an Introverted Mom?

The signs were all there. I never had a large group of friends. You name the year and I can tell you who was my go-to friend. Friend – not plural. I am a one-friend at a time kind of girl. Parties literally made me squeamish. Of course none of this dawned on me until I became a mother.

Do you beat yourself about being an introverted mom. It is time to embrace your personality! I did!

It started with mom groups and revved up from there. Like a slow roller coaster building momentum – I was thrown into a world of birthday parties, play dates and idle chit-chat.


Why was I so exhausted after a birthday party? Why did I pick the empty seat three seats away from the boisterous mothers at the park? Was something wrong with me? Was I insecure?

No, I was just an introvert in denial. Apparently I had been in denial my entire life. It took me ten years and three children to make this discovery. A discovery that led me from self-loathing to self-understanding.


Here are some misperceptions I felt, that perhaps you have experienced too at some point in your life:

I must be insecure – because I don’t seek out friendships with others.

I am shy.

People don’t enjoy talking to me – because
conversations and relationships don’t usually continue.

Everyone has tons of friends – but me.

I am holding my child back because I don’t want to talk to other moms.

Here are some real truths:

I am confident. I believe in myself and I like who I am.

I am NOT shy. I have no problem talking to people – if I choose to do so.

People do like talking to me, but I don’t like small talk – so I am quick to end the conversation.

I am not alone. Lots of people do not have large groups of friends.

I am not holding my child back. I do not have to socialize for them to be social. I accept them for who they are and there should be acceptance for who I am.


When I started believing these new truths – an amazing thing started to happen.


My energy was not zapped (as much) when I was around other people. I stopped beating myself up for who I am. I stopped wanting to change my nature – and embraced my strengths.


I like people. I like hearing their stories and sharing mine. I am not anti-social. I just prefer quality or quantity. And often, my husband is enough to fill me to the brim.


I am not closed off to new friendships, I am just selective. Like a battery that has a low charge, I need to be picky about where I spend my energy.

I have found some life saving ways to save my social energy and be an effective mom:

Texting is the greatest invention known to man (or this woman).

Email comes in as a close second.

Social media can be an invaluable resource for motherhood support. You determine the level of engagement and just click off when you’ve had enough.

Play dates are about your child – they don’t have to be about you.

Birthday parties are a temporary annoyance – bEcuador when they get older you will see two beautiful words written on invitations: Drop off. Can I get an Amen!


So fret not my fellow compadre. Put down the whip and give yourself a break. You are not alone. Well, okay maybe you are right now – but metaphorically you are not alone. Your fellow sisters are right there with you – albeit in their own home.


It is time for introverted mothers to stop shaming themselves into being something they are not, and accept themselves for who they are – insightful, thoughtful, caring people who have a finite amount of energy to put into authentic, real friendships.


And for that my friend, you have nothing to apologize about.

Does this resonate with you? Leave a comment and let fellow introverts know they are not alone. 


Natasha Daniels is the author of How to Parent Your Anxious Toddler and the creator of the video course How to Parent Your Anxious Kids – for all ages.


These are the best parenting lessons I have seen! Great quick videos on how to parent an anxious child. If you liked this article, don’t keep it to yourself! Share with your fellow introverts – or those that need to get you. Visit Anxious Toddlers’s profile on Pinterest.


34 responses to “Do You Beat Yourself Up About Being an Introverted Mom?”

  1. Polly says:

    Yes, I do relate to all of this but I am (mostly) past caring about fitting in and making new friends. I make my excuses and skip pretty much all school related social gatherings now.
    I feel no guilt about that at all… But I do feel guilty about how my introversion affects my parenting. I have three children and I am often overwhelmed by the noise and chaos they bring to my world. I love being with them 1:1 or even 2:1 but I rarely get that. When all three are talking at once and squabbling for my attention, my head feels like it might implode. I can’t even think straight.
    My need to immerse myself in my own projects also gets in the way. I love photography, knitting, sewing, etc. I can include my kids in my interests but sometimes I just want (need?) to be left alone to get on with it.
    My greatest guilt is that I often avoid spending time with my kids and fob them off with too much screen time. The problem is that I get lost in my own interests and then find it hard to leave that behind and join them in their interests. It is getting easier as they grow older. They are now 9,6 and 3. I realise now that my introversion added an extra layer of difficulty to those early years.

    • Natasha Daniels says:

      Thank you for sharing your story Polly. I also have three children around the same age and found myself similarly overwhelmed at times. I think this is part of being an introverted person. It took me some time to realize that and to give myself a break. Okay it wasn’t until this year, but still…at least I got there. It sounds like you are finding your own rhythm too.

  2. Robin says:

    Thank goodness for texting and email. While I hate talking on the phone, it’s nothing compared to the h*ll that is FaceTime. I swear it’s from the devil.

    • Natasha Daniels says:

      I am going to completely agree! When someone asks to FaceTime I feel my stomach drop and my mind starts to spin with excuses. Nothing more awkward than seeing your face in a little box at the bottom of the screen.

  3. Michele Spirn says:

    Hi Natasha – I love what you wrote. So true! And I had a thought: without introverts, extroverts would have no audience.

  4. Julie says:

    Im with you! Introvert to the core here – I can definitely resonate with quality over quantity. I am NOT a social person (blah) – and unfortunately I get very frustrated with people who are… but I am very relational (and it seems most people aren’t). I am blessed to have a group of close friends and love to be able to hang out will all of them, but its because the talk is deep and their hearts are kind. We are a home school family w/ 5 kids and its wonderful to have a large group of children who enjoy playing with each other while us moms are having a blast together too!

    • Natasha Daniels says:

      You are so lucky Julie to have found such a great group of quality friends. I agree with you – it is definitely quality or quantity for me too.

  5. I love this! I’m not a mom (yet), but I used to work as a nanny, and I felt this all the time. All the other moms and nannies in the classes and play groups would chat and gossip and make coffee dates, and I always hung back, awkwardly waiting until the little guy was ready to go. It makes me feel a lot better knowing I’m not the only one!

    • Natasha Daniels says:

      Alyssa – you are definitely not the only one. Many of us are right there with you – we are just to quiet to notice ?

  6. Kim says:

    This article makes me feel understood! I’m tired of attending hundreds of sporting events with my kids only to feel like I’m the “anti-social” mom in the group. I’m there to watch my kid; not talk! Of course, I’ll visit with a close a friend and say my hellos to those who I pass, but this is not a social time for me. Introverted Moms unite! WE’re ok. And you’re kids will be pleased that you actually watched them and can discuss their awesome shots with them later!

  7. Maren says:

    Thank you! I have known this about myself for along tjme. It is nice to have someone else put it into words.

  8. Fear of destroying my kids says:

    All of your comments are great, but what to do when the community you live in takes it out on your children when you rather be alone? Or, don’t have their children over to your home often because you can’t handle the chaos that comes with them?

    • Natasha Daniels says:

      It is hard – that is for sure and I don’t think there is a clear cut answer for this. Eventually as children get older they are able to navigate their own social interactions more. This makes it easier for parents who find socializing tiring and overwhelming. I find that taking my kids somewhere with their friends works better. The outings are brief and time limited 🙂

  9. Yes, yes, yes. You know my soul, haha! Thank you for sharing 🙂

  10. Ambrey Nichols says:

    Oh my gosh I thought there was something wrong with me. Because when I pick up my kid from preschool all the parents form their little groups, without me included of course, and I felt like I was a bad parent. Thank you for this article it helps me to know I am not a freak of nature.

  11. Not an extrovert but come on says:

    How do all of you teach your children socialization skills then if you’re feeling all of this negativity in a world where face to face communication and relationships are vital and needed for the world to go round? The same way that you all prefer to hide behind a computer or us text messaging to have a conversation, it’s the same way when people who like to have face to face interactions and catch up with other parents. The point of chatting and getting to know other parents is so that you KNOW what kind of people and as an extension what kind of children your own are exposed to every day. Being an introvert is fine but when it comes to raising your children to be functioning members of society, it starts at a very young age and it’s our responsibility to mold them safely and in a healthy way. The way that all of you are responding is giving the impression that individuals who have face to face interactions or “talk” with others who they may not have a close relationship with is a negative thing. I personally don’t agree with that. While I don’t consider myself to be an extrovert, I appreciate getting to know other parents because it can tell you tons about their children… The same children that YOUR child may be with each day for an entire school year. Think about it that way the next time u want to roll your eyes at the moms or dads who are standing there talking and having a face to face interaction.

    • Natasha Daniels says:

      I don’t think anyone is condemning parents for being social. But, not everyone feels that way – and that’s okay. The beautiful thing about this world is that we are all different. We have different personalities and respond to situations in different ways.

      Acceptance of others and their differences is a wonderful thing. I try to live that way, but I know others don’t always do the same.

      • Not an extrovert but come on says:

        maybe in misinterpreting what’s being written or the tone it’s being written with… It sure sounds like condemnation to me.

        What you say is true, acceptance of others is a wonderful thing… Your article or the replies don’t seem “accepting” at all. More talking about how social parents are annoying and judgemental. One would assume then that u don’t even really know what the other parents think of all of you since u never took the time to ask… But then again you’re all introverts and so asking would be out of character… To me it’s a double negative. But as u say, acceptance is beauty so I accept your perspective and I’m sure you’ll quietly accept mine. Just different views I suppose. Funny though that you didn’t answer my question about how you actually go about raising your your kids to let them know that being social is ok… Lead by example, or be a role model for your kids, these things wouldn’t apply to introverts I suppose.

        • Julie says:

          Since you are talking to “all of us” I will answer your last question in my view point. Socialization – aaah, I hear that word in form of concern so much from the non-home school community. I have found its not taught. I have 2 extrovert children while my husband and I are both introverts – they are born that way!! .. and my introverts (and I and DH) were born that way too. What does need to be taught is kindness, respect, how to care about others and we can all do that – be us introverts or extroverts or in-betweens. We just all do it in different ways – well, I hope we all do it!!!

  12. Dawn Savage says:

    I am a HUGE introvert. This is so me. I would rather stay at home than go out and socialize. I have always been this way. I have never been comfortable in large groups. Being this way though, I was so concerned that it affected my kids negatively. My oldest daughter, who will be 6 this year, is worse than me I think. She is having a hard time at school in a social setting. I would home school her, but she need speech therapy and PPCD for speech as well as the socialization. She has friends, but I jave been told that she plays ALONG SIDE instead od WITH the other kids. She has friends and all the kids love her, she just takes a long time to warm up.

    • Julie says:

      Dawn, I have a little one with cleft lip and palate so we are there too with a child with disabilities, and I understand the need of speech help. Thankfully we have a great local cleft team and we are able to get his needs met outside of the public school setting – yet he is very young so we are just now “getting our feet wet” in this. Blessings to you as you navigate these waters. Your daughter sounds a lot like me when I was young.

  13. […] For starters – she doesn’t need help. At least – not for being an introverted child. Being an introvert isn’t a problem in and of itself. We are all wired differently. Some of us get energized being around others and some of us get depleted. Many of us understand these types of kids because we are introverts ourselves. […]

  14. Steph says:

    I feel every single one of these things and have felt so alone for so long I needed to hear this right now!!
    Thank you deeply

  15. Arathi says:

    Natasha – This is awesome! This is like my “come to jesus” moment. I was always beating myself up for not being able to socialize with my daughters’ mothers. I work as an HR professional, so talking to people is what I do. But as a person i’m a little introverted. If given a choice, I’d rather stay quite and observe people. But hearing from someone that “It is ok” to be so is such a relief. Thank you so much!!!

    • Natasha Daniels says:

      I am so glad you found it helpful Arathi! I talk with people for a living too – so for a long time I was baffled by my behavior. Once I embraced who I was and stopped beating myself up about it, I have been so much happier. I hope the same happens to you 🙂

  16. Sandy says:

    Yes. To it all. Nail on the head. 😉

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